It’s been over a year since arriving in Japan. The sakura is passing as I’m typing this, falling from the trees just as the leaves do in autumn. Along the river today, all I could see were petals dancing in the wind. Where once was white, is now budding green, and many other trees and flowers have followed suit.
There is, however, an absence of the sparkle I once felt from it all. I’ve gone through the waves of heaviness before, and assumed it would lift from me just as the winter has from Tokyo.
But it’s deeper than the season. It’s my situation.
Unmet goals. Expectations misaligned with intent. Dreams clashing with reality.
I keep choosing “what’s easy” instead of “what’s right”.
Love the song choice here. they both paint a different picture in my head. i feel like that right decision is where my problems come in too, but for me, it’s deciding what IS right. should i stay or should i go kinda stuff. i hear you though. that song makes me wanna dance lol
macgregor fuckin quilin. well, i suppose i`ve been looking at them as contrasting choices. for a lot of situations in my life, when faced with a choice to `take action` i notice i choose `no` because it`s easier.
for me, the RIGHT decision is the one that embraces the challenge and my fear. i`ve been noticing a lot of rationalization and resistance towards what i know, in my heart, i desire the most. and to get that, it`s a lot of difficulty. it`s a lot easier to take no action at all, and a whole lot less satisfying outside of that initial short term window of anxiety relief.
p.s. this does actually extend outside of women 😉